總是會這樣

夜晚來的時侯 我其實並不想一個人。
我想懷抱一切的冷漠， 淡淡的 也好。

這些天因為訴說而得到的不寂寞 其實比什麼都容易失去， 因為 我沒有在你的生活裡， 甚至 我也不明白 在你的世界 我是否存在著。

我知道你記得我， 但對於彼此的記憶 早已成為考驗。

我很想 繼續把話留給你， 這樣 我對人的冷漠 和自己的寂寞 也就會少一點，
但我終於明白 才看清自己的依賴。

所以 今晚 我沒有問你好不好，
只是輕輕的希望 你會記得 我們那夜相遇時的美好。

到了這個年紀 才知道人們所討論的話題 早已不是我能參與的， 原來 這才是大人的世界嗎？ 但我寧可 繼續保留我的單純。

有沒有人相信都好 只要有一個人能懂就夠了呀！

盛夏果實，從前寫的記憶還有留下的圖像。

小時候寫的東西
還有從前 記憶
都在幫我記錄著我的人生。


那些記得也忘記的人事物，
謝謝你們 也曾經擁有我。


http://blog.xuite.net/marina.a453/wretch

失眠的時候

大概就是心被掏空了
所以才安靜的沒有聲響。

我知道夜裡來的時候 我總是翻來覆去。
其實我很疲憊 但卻怎麼都無法在12點前讓自己入睡。

每一天都說著 希望是最後一次，
但卻又總是失眠。

也許還是會寂寞 所以喜歡說話，
但是又默默的認為
自己不該打擾別人的生活。

所以最後
誰都沒有成為我能傾訴一切的對象。

昨天讓自己跑了20圈的感覺太棒，
能一直迎著風 就好了呀！

Yellow coverd by Nightlock

This  is our new cover recently.
Yellow is a meaningful song for me that full of lots of sweet memories.

We took this video only one shot.
It's not perfect but enjoy. :)

Happy Halloween!!

Im a kitty kitty today :)

SO~ I decide to make this look for Halloween. There's not so many ppl celebrate Halloween here,

but I still wanna keep this tradition to celebrate with my friends from everywhere.

:)

Later on Iris, 餅 and I went out together. PPl got scare. lol So much fun! 

Haha what an evil face. he gave me chocolate. <3

Hope u guys have a wonderful day and have fun!!!

:)

Wish next time I can craft a pumpkin.

Dollna <3

大躍進。

人生有時的大躍進
就是追求自己從不曾勇敢爭取的。

那樣的時光 是我一直想擁有
卻一直等著。

很多事就這樣過去了
卻一件也沒完成，
所以 之後的每一天
我都想去完成過去沒有為自己做的事。

於是 我自己考了駕照、托福 ，
然後去了漂亮的足球場、海邊，
看了美麗的夜景 還有星星。

我一個人
可是我還夠勇敢。

Anger

想要有個出氣娃娃 狠狠的發洩心裡的難過與憤怒， 想則要揍他揍到沒力氣為止。

想要有個溫暖的擁抱 讓我取暖而不顫抖到天明。

只是 這些都沒有 所以我想都只是夢。

於是我的憤怒一點都沒消失。

The rain is pouring in my heart.

忙碌填補了心所空出的那些空間，

旅途中遇到了很多可愛的人，

從原本的依賴 又轉為了平淡，

也許是自己了解 有些時候的該與不該 並不能如此理所當然，

所以便告訴自己 應該堅強的。

然而有些人 總是願意不計一切的默默對我好。

只是 在無法完整自己以前 甚麼都不該期待，

因為 這樣的我 也無法完整別人。

在確定自己可以繼續下一段路程的時候，

也許才能容納所有。

如果錯過了 也是種緣份。

所以我收起了平日的問候，

這樣 才看得清人與人之間的信賴。

U will eventually find me if u try.

-Dollna 

July 25th, w013 

大仁哥 回憶是你給我的溫暖。

你給我的。

第二個你給我的。



謝謝那些曾經 謝謝你 :)

我一定會帶著勇氣，帶著那份不畏懼 為自己爭取屬於自己的愛情。


:)

踮起腳尖愛。

舞鞋　穿了洞‭　‬裂了縫‭　‬　
預備迎接一個夢 
OK‭ ‬繃‭　‬遮住痛　
要把蒼白都填充 
勇氣惶恐‭　
我要用哪一種 去面對他　一百零一分笑容 
等待‭　‬的時空‭　‬有點重　重得時針走不動 
無影蹤‭　‬他始終‭　不曾降臨生命中 
我好想懂　誰放我手心裡捧 
幸福啊　依然長長的人龍 
想踮起腳尖找尋愛 遠遠的存在 
我來不及‭　‬說聲嗨 影子就從人海暈開 
才踮起腳尖的期待 只怕被虧待 
我夠不著還‭　‬微笑忍耐 等你回過頭來‭
 哪天　撲了空‭　‬折了衷　
祈禱終於起作用 
一陣風‭　‬吹來夢　卻又敗在難溝通 
我終於懂　怎麼人們的臉孔 想到愛　寂寞眼眶就轉紅 
踮起腳尖找尋愛 遠遠的存在 
我來不及‭　‬說聲嗨 影子就從人海暈開 
才踮起腳尖的期待 只怕被虧待 
我夠不著還‭　‬微笑忍耐
 等你回過頭來‭ 你會回過頭來 回過頭來 
想踮起腳尖找尋愛 遠遠的存在 我來不及‭　‬說聲嗨 影子就從人海暈開 
才踮起腳尖的期待 只怕被虧待 我夠不著還‭　‬微笑忍耐 等你回過頭來‭

------------------------------------------------


提起了勇氣 告訴你我要離開的消息。

你沒有說話。

我不知道你的心裡有了哪些想法，
只是這些日子以來，
我一直都沒有離開過，
只是隨著時間的流逝，
我似乎看不見從前的你 從前的我們。

我給了一萬個無限個理由 試著留在你身邊不走，
只是你也給了我無數個傷痛的理由 要我離開才好。

心情很沉重，重的喘不過氣。

我不知道心裡的想法 傳達了多少個百分比，
只知道我在眼淚模糊的視線下 試著微笑著按著每個按鍵。

我的思緒很混亂，
我們還回的去嗎?

其實已經太困難了 對吧?


在現在的我們之間
找不到信任的平衡點
找不到付出的平衡點
也找不到留下的理由。

因為我不知道我在你的心裡 到底是朋友 還是戀人。
你待我開始像朋友，但對我要求像戀人。

我太迷網，迷惘的不知是否該繼續留下，
因為用戀人的心去看你，
我真的好痛。


我無法忍受你對別的女孩好，
無法分享你關心的眼神在別人身上。

我沒有辦法，
所以我只能離開，
這樣，我們才能真的自由。

你也才能真的去飛。


也許我一直都沒有了解你 而你也沒有真正的懂我，
我們只是這樣的牽著手走，以為能走到盡頭。


......




其實 我已經不知道自己現在想說甚麼 或者想做甚麼...

我難過的不知道該何以為靠...


我們都失去了吧!......

那對曾經j不顧一切也要相愛的戀人...

Yesterday

Hey dear day.
So many things to say and to write.
Several days and couple weeks later,
I finally decide to move forward and give up my old life.
I'm sad.
Too sad to describe my feelings to anyone, so I have no one to talk about my days.
Feel like my life has been gone by the unlimited love.
However, nomatter how much love I can pay for, I just finally feel I have nothing to give.
No passion and no patience.
It's terrible to feel this, but it just the way it is, just like u are the way u are.
I feel cold just as the same as the day I knew u betray our love.
All the negative feelings come back again. Even though I love u, I just don't feel it anymore only pain. It burns my soul and my love. Then nothing left. Nothing left anymore.
Eventually, I have to go.
I'm leaving   
my love.
------------------------------

那天 我沒有哭
只是為我的青春歲月微笑了。
那片海洋 是無法用愛填補的,
即使 我也曾想過愛他的海洋。
我沒有嘆息
只是輕輕的笑了。
有些路 總需要有勇氣的一個人走,
所以 我揮揮手的 向那片海洋告別。
謝謝它曾經給我的寬闊世界。

A busy new weekend.

Hey~u my little blog.

I've been doing well for this whole week.
It was super duper busy,
but I made it over.
Yeaeeee~


Talk to lots of ppl and feel better so far.

A new life is good.

New with all new rule that I make for myself,
not for anyone else.

I should feel happy and energized for my new life.

Even I have so much in my mind,
I should let go when the time is coming.
So, there's nothing that I can't give up.
Only things that I deserve to lift up.

Derek! My true honest audience.

I'm doing well,

so don't worry. :)

I hope u have a very nice weekend!

Enjoy ur life, too.

The second day without ur life.

Just wanna tell u I'm good don't worry.

Hey dear u
I miss u a lot...

My life is empty and silence even people around me are trying to cheer up everything, but I just find myself like a outsider in them.

It's difficult to adapt a new life after 3.5 years been together with u.

Now I have to live by my own and accept the quiet night.
But I will try to find myself back again.

Guess we lose our own too long and can't see the one we used to in love with.

Would it be possible if we can fall in love again after we back to the original self?

Not sure, but I'm sure at that time I will be a different me.

Hope we will become better and more mature, then we might know how to solve the problems that we have now.

I don't know how long we will be apart, but I wish u will b happy like u want me to be, too.

I still love u, and I don't know how long it will take me to not loving u.

So I will keep my love with u till I know I need to let go.

How are u Today?
I hope u are fine.

淡定。

很多時候的無力感總是揮之不去，
能找到快樂就太好了。

反反覆覆的日子 還是那些畫面在縈繞。
那盞燈 是否還為誰亮著?

有些考驗 是需要勇氣 也需要感覺才能化解。

現在走的路 不代表就是如此，
變化 真的也太多，
所以如果能夠找到方式 就好了。

只是 我們都太盲目，還走不出那個黑暗處。

看到你的努力 我有很想 在用力的加把勁，
只是那種開始把一切看淡的心情 似乎無法燃燒一些活力。

我是有些累了，
也許 也該開始喘口氣了。

那一段的不被傾聽。

心理的低氣壓及負面情緒只是在無限蔓延。

總覺得不找個出口 就會瞬間瓦解。

我的不快樂 總是不被你看見。

我的在意 在你眼裡只是小事情。

我很生氣 氣你活在幸福快樂而看不見我的孤獨及漸漸消失的笑容，

也氣你不過問為何我生氣的原因。


也許到頭來 我只適合活在一個人的世界，
因為我永遠都無法像你一樣對兩個人的生活適應得如此美好。

畢竟 是我付出了努力來適應新環境的生活。

而你 卻能在屬於你的家 不花費甚麼就能輕易融入。

也許我就是個自我的人，所以也只適合自我的生活方式。

就像我問你 為什麼 那些事情 叫做"應該"?

而你永遠都無法理解我為什麼會強調應該兩個字，
因為對你來說 是我不懂甚麼叫做應該。

是阿! 我是無法理解為什麼對你們來說 很多事情都是"應該"，
可能 人的自私就是左右這一切的源頭。

難道為別人找想 試著體貼一些有那麼困難嗎?
又或者是因為從來沒有人想過 所以就不需要去想，
而這樣的念頭 卻漸漸地也帶給了別人壓力及負擔。

當一個人試著去融入別人的環境時，
是否有人在意過 那個人他原本的生活環境 習慣 還有他在意的事?

答案是"沒有"。


就最近發生的事來說，
讓我漸漸地對這個環境而感到陌生
甚至像要逃離，想念一個人那樣的自由
不需要為了配合誰 而失去自我。

不需要害怕甚麼 而不敢去做。

我犧牲的很多很多很多，
卻沒有被自己最在意的人看見。

我失望的很多很多很多，
卻得不到最深切的回應，
我的想法 不被在意，不被思考，也不被傾聽。

因為我了解 不管我說甚麼 結果都一樣，
心裡早有了答案。

但其實這些無論如何都不重要
因為

有一天你會明白的，
當我決定離開的時候。

錯過。

那一年
你說 也許彼此的相遇 只是美麗的錯誤，
那一次， 是因為誤解。

然而無論是你 還是他，
我們只是在不斷的錯過 錯過 錯過 又錯過
然後 就在以為能交會時 誰也沒為誰停留
於是 再次錯過。

你問我為什麼總是這樣想，
其實 只是你並不瞭解

當我心裡有你的時候 你不曾看見眼中的我，
而當你終於理解的時候 我早也望向另一片天空。

而我們 在悲傷時傾吐 在沉默時握著彼此的雙手。

但心裡的階梯卻也不斷的在改變著，
可惜的是 我從來不知道你走到了第幾階，
而你也從來不曾停下來看看我。


於是 這樣的錯過
即使是愛著 也是種遺憾吧!



我想談戀愛
我真的想好好的談一輩子的戀愛
這樣的我 你能讀懂嗎?

Vintage look for Friday.

Went to school in this look today.

I love this vintage real leather shoes. It's hand made. :)

One of my vintage ear rings.

I have been searching my own style for a long time.
Today I try to change the way I used to wear to school,
and my classmates just been surprised about what I wore.

So YES!
I actually love both vintage and rock'in roll style very much, even though most of time I only wear rock'in roll style to school :P I guess rock'in roll style is much more easier for me to dress up faster. That's why.

Well... Today it's Friday.
And I finally don't have any experiment and any class that need to demonstrate,
So of course it's a nice day to wear what I want.

I'm happy though.

But the only one thing that I still feel lazy about is wearing my real make up. Haha~
I didn't put any eye makeup.
Maybe someday.
 :)


So I hope u have a great Friday, too, and also a nice weekend!

Dollcena.

誰。

在切著水果的時候，
突然想起了那段對話。

記不得是哪個季節，甚麼時間，
是誰。


你告訴我 人的恐懼來自於無知。

於是 為了克服自己的恐懼，
我決定前行 無論到哪裡
我的恐懼 都能因為少一點無知 而得到救贖，

心理的那一層

也能被填補一些 生命的甜美。

Song: Last Christmas by me and Wei Chen.

Last Christmas by me and Wei Chen  <<<<<<< Click me!



It's a song for Christmas gift to my friends who gave me the Christmas wishes.
Now I decide to upload the mp3 to here, so everyone can listen.

But for the video I will still keep it as a gift, so I'm not gonna put it again.
:)


Hope u guys enjoy!

Night!

The orange afternoon.

Can we just stay there at the moment for those smiles.

No worries no angers just smiles, laughing, laughing and laughing.

It was an orange afternoon.

It was u.

The knife, the cat, and the black jacket.

But they just become some part of broken memories in me.

Glad. 

I had u

once.

My bro's wedding. March 24th.

My Dad and my Mom. They were watching the big ship and ppl around there.

I suddenly feel something inside my mind, but is hard to describe.
They are a lovely couple and I love them.

I love u Mom.

I have the similar smile like my Mom. I love it! :)

The look of the day without my black jacket.

It was my brother's wedding.
Feel so much in my mind when I look at my parents.

I guess I'm still not ready to marry someone...
I know this will be hard for Howard, but... I'm just not ready yet, and I don't know when I will be ready.


Well... I just want someone who can actually accept everything from me.
And love the real me.


Still...I don't know yet.

Sigh...

Mind.

I'm 56.5kg today.


Have a really bad mood with things that I discussed with HW last night.

I don't want to seek for any love or something like respect those kind of shit in the place I live now.
It's just too harmful if I really care too much about it.

Take it easy I told myself.
Why bother  or why should I care anyway.

It's a nice place actually, but because I ask too much, I don't feel so happy sometimes.

there's so much emotions in my mind right now.
I feel so tired and just want to let things drop from my shoulders.
And I guess this is the time to not care what I used to care about.

Life can be easier if u know to let go.

And this is what I need to learn now.
It's a new lesson, so who is with me?





I guess u will not be the first person who reply me like u used to be.

U don't have so much time to care.

U are who u are. I won't try to change u.

We have already grow so much from the past, but we cost too less time to understand the new

us. And don't know if we still love the new us. Maybe it's time to let us to recognize this and decide if we should move on. Some reality just hurt me so much.

Just like the money issue. Does money buy a respect?

Well... I always remember the first time when u discussed if Vivi could move in. I wasn't be told till I checked ur phone. And that made u want me to come back to Taiwan. First time u told me I had no right cause I had no money and I didn't pay for anything. Yes! I''m sorry I'm too poor to afford that much, and I shouldn't be there I should just came home and not to insisted how much I love u.

The second time that I feel this way is when u told me I'm the person live in other people's house that cost 0.

So I guess this is some kind of shit like that again, so I don't get my respect because I didn't pay any and I'm too stupid to treat myself part of the family and didn't recognize this truth.

Fuck! How stupid I am!

Do they even treat me as a real family or just me?

I'm too in to their family and forget the reality.


Sad.


I'm nothing.

That's the reason I can't speak out for myself.


When I try to ask things, I forget who I really am.


Money well......I guess I hate the role of money in my relationship.


That ruins everything and makes me feel people are so fucking ugly.


So what about if I pay back everything, then I can be myself?

Then I don't need to take these shit?


OK!

Then I will try to save the money and pay back all the tuition that I cost in the U.S

and get a school, move out and don't bother form not paying rent.


All I want to say is I'm sorry because these shit actually hurt so much.

I'm in my pain and I'm sorry that no one see this.

I'm sorry I want to leave this shit.

I'm sorry I refuse to take this pain anymore from every of u.


有時的心甘情願和自己的自以為 只是讓你看見了真實的醜陋。

YA~~energy is back again!

Guess what! I just finished my exercise today bohu~
I feel so good!
So Howard went back to the army today, so I feel a little bit lonely here.
Didn't feel I want to study, so I just quit tonight haha. Anyway I will study harder tomorrow lol.
Gonna go shower and wake up earlier for a good breakfast. Keep fighting!
Night! :)

Work out work out!~

Finishing my work out today.

So tired so tired!~

But I feel so~good.

Hope next week my school start, I will still keep on track.

:)

So I'm about 58 now.

Hope next week I can lose more. lol~

Then I will share my belly pics maybe hehe~

I actually see the change already.

I love how I motivate myself.

Love love love. 

Happy~<3

I met a little cute Boy Gaga

This video was taken in Bellevue Square, Seattle, WA on Feb, 19th 2011.
Before my vacation finish, I decide to make it and post it.

Enjoy :)

How Dollna dye her hair. Full version.

Basically, this is a super long video that I dye my hair by myself.
And I promised that I would do this video, but I was too busy and had no time to arrange it.
It was taken when I was still in America.

Hope it will be helpful.

:)

Some pics from previous year and recently that I forgot to post. :)

The old pics from 2012 6m~to 2013 1m

Enjoy :)

Now ㄋㄧㄠ ㄋㄧㄠ have become a mother with 3 little kitty.

Her husband Bomga had already died. :( 

It's really sad sometimes when I look at her,

but I'm sure I will give her my greatest love.

Hope her kids will grow up well and I will love them like the way I love her, too.