Mind.

I'm 56.5kg today.


Have a really bad mood with things that I discussed with HW last night.

I don't want to seek for any love or something like respect those kind of shit in the place I live now.
It's just too harmful if I really care too much about it.

Take it easy I told myself.
Why bother  or why should I care anyway.

It's a nice place actually, but because I ask too much, I don't feel so happy sometimes.

there's so much emotions in my mind right now.
I feel so tired and just want to let things drop from my shoulders.
And I guess this is the time to not care what I used to care about.

Life can be easier if u know to let go.

And this is what I need to learn now.
It's a new lesson, so who is with me?





I guess u will not be the first person who reply me like u used to be.

U don't have so much time to care.

U are who u are. I won't try to change u.

We have already grow so much from the past, but we cost too less time to understand the new

us. And don't know if we still love the new us. Maybe it's time to let us to recognize this and decide if we should move on. Some reality just hurt me so much.

Just like the money issue. Does money buy a respect?

Well... I always remember the first time when u discussed if Vivi could move in. I wasn't be told till I checked ur phone. And that made u want me to come back to Taiwan. First time u told me I had no right cause I had no money and I didn't pay for anything. Yes! I''m sorry I'm too poor to afford that much, and I shouldn't be there I should just came home and not to insisted how much I love u.

The second time that I feel this way is when u told me I'm the person live in other people's house that cost 0.

So I guess this is some kind of shit like that again, so I don't get my respect because I didn't pay any and I'm too stupid to treat myself part of the family and didn't recognize this truth.

Fuck! How stupid I am!

Do they even treat me as a real family or just me?

I'm too in to their family and forget the reality.


Sad.


I'm nothing.

That's the reason I can't speak out for myself.


When I try to ask things, I forget who I really am.


Money well......I guess I hate the role of money in my relationship.


That ruins everything and makes me feel people are so fucking ugly.


So what about if I pay back everything, then I can be myself?

Then I don't need to take these shit?


OK!

Then I will try to save the money and pay back all the tuition that I cost in the U.S

and get a school, move out and don't bother form not paying rent.


All I want to say is I'm sorry because these shit actually hurt so much.

I'm in my pain and I'm sorry that no one see this.

I'm sorry I want to leave this shit.

I'm sorry I refuse to take this pain anymore from every of u.


有時的心甘情願和自己的自以為 只是讓你看見了真實的醜陋。